No More

Sometimes, when you feel bad and negative, without you realise, the world will follow you down. I think that what happened to me. In the past months (or years), I felt terrible and unhappy and complain a lot to my beloved ones. I felt that my world was falling apart and I'm the most pathetic and miserable person in the world. I felt hurts all the time and I felt that the world is not fair to me. I felt like I was the victim.

It all effected my love life and my way to find him. I always wondered why every dates turned out to be fine but never continue to second dates. I asked question of what's wrong. But I never realised that the mistake was from inside. I asked people opinion and tried to find what went wrong. I made my Gede worried about me, about my life and he was trying so hard to make me see the best of me again. Maybe I even made him frustated because of my stubborness (is the spelling correct?) and how I refused to see brighter world and life, I've made my best buddy, Nonee, feeling blue also with my stories. In short, I've made everything seems dark and pathetic.

1 coffee in Starbucks w/ her and BOOMMM, something she said opened my eyes. There's nothing wrong with the world. The world and life are beautiful. It was me who's wrong. It was me who sees the world from the dark. And my questions answered. Loke Indo's saying "Gajah di pelupuk mata gak kliatan, tapi debu di sebrang lautan jelas bgt". That what happened to me.

I was too busy blaming everything and put me in as the victim. Yes I was good on the 1st dates, but without me noticing, somehow they see a dark cloud surrounding me and feel the negative energy comes out from me and somehow blocking me from showing them the real me. That's why there are no second dates.

I cannot continue like that. I've changed myself and erased all the negatives (at least I try to do it) and be a positive woman. I believe that my life will become colourful and brighter and more beautiful if I look at it differently. And maybe it will make my deepest wish comes true =)D

So, no more gloomy and dark and pathetic Jilly who was always negative and blaming the world. I've made peace with myself and the world. I even smiled when I found out that 1 of the man who was close to me now having my replacement. Before, I cannot do that. Before I always felt a knife stabbed me and pity myself in envy feeling and anger and question "Why? Why? Why?"
Well, not anymore now. No more hurts and no more blaming. But remember, I am also a human being who can always gets hurt. But I will try my best to be positive.

New me is happy me. Welcome Jilly :))