Guarding my Heart

Guarding my heart. That's what I'm doing right now. I did it before and few weeks ago I started to lower down the shield. Nothing happen so far. But I'm doing it for myself protection.
Hurts and getting hurts is easily come and happen to me like having 3 times of meals. And I don't want it anymore. Meals has to stop. Leaking and making myself weak is has to end. I will be the last person standing still with a smile on my face.

My shield only opens to someone who will be my soul. I don't know who, when or where. Maybe he's out there, maybe he's not. Don't know. Still a big mystery for me. Keep wishing and keep hoping until all the wishes and the hopings washed away. No more wishing and no more hoping. No more nothing.

Guarding my heart from 'love'. Don't open it until I'm sure. But how to be sure? It's all seems too good and most of the times it fools me. Most of the time I am weak and fall. It's such a very difficult thing to do. How can you tell the different from something real and something semu? Something that deceiving my heart and makes me believe?

Guarding my heart and be strong. Strong from outside but none knows my inside. So weak and I can be fallen anytime. So weak to protect my heart. So weak to face the world. So weak that I wish my heart is a stone. Stone that feels nothing and heartless from anything called 'love' and 'it friends'. Stone until the time coming to change it into a warm heart again. Just stone. A simple stone.